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| Perry as the Sandek at his great-grandson's Bris last April |
1962. That was when I met Perry, (or as family called him – Benny) - and his 2 brothers, Phil and Izzy. We had all arrived in the Yeshiva that year. I had become fast friends with Perry’s older brother Phil. We were the same age and in the same class.
Their father having passed away shortly before - Phil became somewhat of a ‘father figure’ to his 2 younger brothers. Phil was a man of unsurpassed humility. A man who embodied Chesed and Emes. There are few people who performed the Mitzvos Bein Adam L’Chavero better than Phil.
Eventually Phil got married and moved to New York. Unfortunatey – not too many years later -Phil passed way. Leaving a wife and small children. Benny was now the brother his family turned to for advice on all issues. Benny’s values mirrored those of his older brother Phil. He too embodied humility, Chesed, and Emes. He too performed the Mitzvos Bein Adam L’Chavero better than most others could lay claim to.
After a brief stint studying in optometry school in Memphis , Benny returned to Chicago switched gears and sought an accounting degree. It was at that point that we had become close friends. Although we were not directly involved in making the Shiduch - we thought he would make a great match for my wife’s sister, Rachel – otherwise known as Ruthie.
Long story short - Perry and Ruthie got married and had 4 wonderful amazing children. Whose values and Midos reflect those of his parents.
Perry worked hard and eventually had a very successful accounting practice. But that success never went to his head. He was a generous Baal Tzedaka. But he refused to be recognized for it. He epitomized the concept of Matan B’Seser. He was not interested in the limelight, or fame, or publicity. He just wanted to help people in need.
He was also generous with his possessions. He insisted that his children, extended family and friends use his newly purchased home in Florida. For as long as they like. And he would not let anyone thank him with even a token gift. He even seemed irritated when presented with such a gift. He considered it a favor to him for us to stay in his Florida home.
My wife Annie and I have stayed in that home every year for the entire month of February ever since they bought it. Probably for longer a period of time per year than Benny and Ruthie did. Tax season prevented them from going there during the winter months.
I once expressed guilt about staying in his Florida home longer than he did - and, he got upset. He did not want us to feel guilty about his generosity. He just wanted us to enjoy his home in Florida. Which we did. Immensely! That was the kind of person Pesach Binyamin Ben Tzvi Dov was. He was a giver. Not a taker.
Our families stayed close over the years sharing many happy occasions like Bar Mitzvos, engagements, weddings, the yearly Purim Seudah, And recently the Bris of a great grandson. And we also shared some not so happy ones like the loss of loved ones.
Benny had a difficult year with a chronic health issue. But it appeared to be manageable if not curable. Apparently it was more serious than we thought. Or at least more than I thought.
His son Dov, daughter-in- law Danya, daughter Chavie and son-in-law Mordechai were at his side constantly doing literally whatever they could to help. His son Mendy (a cardiologist at Mt. Sinai in New York) was in constant touch with the doctors and was on top of all his father’s health issues. It is rare to see such devotion and commitment to a parent by adult children. They are the most devoted children any parent could ever hope for. They all loved him as much as he loved them.
Last Friday at 5:45 in the morning, Annie’s cell phone rang. An unusual occurrence at that hour. I answered it because she was still sleeping. When I saw Ruthie’s name on the caller ID I knew there was something off. When I answered it, Ruthie was on the line and said three words, ‘Benny was Nifter’.
I was in a state of shock. I could not believe it. Our families were very close. It was like each family was half of a whole unit. How could he be gone? He is supposed to be alive and be looking forward to many Simchos. Like the upcoming wedding of a granddaughter just over a month from now. How is it possible that he won’t be there?! NOT POSSIBLE!
But he won’t be. At least not in physical form. I know, however, that his Neshama will be.
At age 76 Pesach Binyamin Miller died too young. Perry was a good husband. A good father, a good teacher, and a good brother, a good brother-in-law, and a good friend. Put it all together and you have a truly great human being.
Yesterday we read Parshas Pinchas where Hashem tells Moshe the following:
V’Nesafta El Amecha Gam Atah K’asher Nesaf Aharon Achicha.
Now, Benny, you too will be gathered unto your people as was your brother, Phil and your sister Miriam. May you be a Melitz Yosher. And may your family have a Nechama.
Bila HaMoves LaNetzach - U’Mocha Dimah Me’Al Kol Pomim