‘(We) said the words rape. And police. And social services. And therapy. And mandated reporting. And sexual abuse. And puberty. And assault. We said it all. Out loud.’
Magen Executive Director, Shana Aaronson (Magen)
This is something to celebrate, albeit in a bittersweet way. Bitter because of the subject matter, And sweet because finally - it seems like the Charedi world gets it. At least at a grass roots level. These words were part of a Facebook post by Shana Aaronson, Executive Director of Magen. From a Magen Causematch website:
Magen for Jewish Communities is a non-profit organization in Israel, dedicated to creating safer Jewish communities by helping develop a culture of transparency that prioritizes the well-being of victims, holds predators accountable, and eliminates the stigma surrounding sexual abuse.
Magen advocates for survivors of sexual abuse and exploitation within their communities, institutions and through the justice system.
Not all that long ago, the culture of the Charedi community with respect to sexual abuse was mostly to sweep it under the rug. The belief was that no good would come from publicizing sexual abuse in the Charedi community. It would only bring shame and infamy upon the whole because of the deeds of the few.
Furthermore they said that the perpetrator’s family would suffer unnecessarily if the abuse of a family member were to be made public. Shidduchim would be made infinitely more difficult because of the stigma that would attach to the family. Besides if the accused kept denying what he or she did, there was the additional possibility of damaging the reputation of a completely innocent man.
There was also this. Sexual abuse was not seen as such a problem in the Charedi world. So educating them about it should they ever encounter it, was considered inappropriate since sex was a forbidden topic for discussion at any level, much less for young children.
While those are legitimate concerns, they pale in comparison to the damage done to victims by hiding what happened to them. And the potential damge doen to a child that encountered it without the knowledge of how to deal with it properly. The damage done to the community if they are not made aware of the dangers of sex abuse is incalculable.
Charedi attitudes were slowly beginning to change over the past few years as the public became more aware of incidents involving sexual predators in their midst. which came to a shocking head when Chaim Walder, one of the most respected and admired Charedi authors whose books dealt with sex abuse prevention was discovered to be a sexual predator himself. With multiple victims on his ‘resume’. That was a total shock to a system - where burying sex abuse had always been the preferred approach. I believe that event accelerated the Charedi world’s change of attitude to what seems to now be a complete 180 - as Shana Aaronson. describes in he Facebook post.
I have also been made aware of the support Shana has by a respected Charedi rabbi in Ramat Bet Shemesh. I received a note from one of my many Charedi contacts there. Which read in part as follows:
She (Shana Aaronson) is legit. She sat at my dining room table just last Friday having coffee with me and reviewing with me what she will say at our shul’s Sunday evening workshop she is giving… the community needs guidance, and it is up to (the rabbi*) and I to provide it. (Our rabbi*) is a wonderful lion on the subject and he will always be the champion of the children, making their environment safe in the neighborhood.
Another indication of change is what the Belzer Rebbe did. One of the strongest holdouts with respect to dealing properly with sexual abuse is the Chasidic community. Nowhere is the subject of sex more taboo than in the Chasidic world. I’m still not sure they are on board with what was described in the
Facebook post. But apparently Belz is. From Ha’aretz:
The Belz Hasidic sect, the second largest Haredi community in Israel, established a school program last month to protect students at its elementary schools for boys from sexual abuse. Parents of students from grades 1 through 6 in the community’s boys’ schools were recently sent a letter regarding the “Sviva Betucha” (safe environment) program.
The letter explained that the program “will give the students tools and practices relating to cautiousness and protecting the body and the soul,” and that the educational staff has been given professional instruction “in keeping with the Belz outlook.”
I’m not surprised to hear that. If there is one Chasidic Rebbe that is not afraid to speak his mind and break with the traditional views of the greater Charedi community, it is the Belzer Rebbe. I hope this is the beginning of a sea change in how the entirety of the Charedi world deals with sex abuse. It may not end the scourge. But it will surely put a huge dent in it.
Thank you Shana Aaronson and Magen for all your hard work in changing the culture of dealing with sex abuse in the Charedi world.
* I have not received permission to divulge his identity.