Courage. That is the word I think best describes Professor Roberta Kwall’s latest op-ed published in the New York Jewish Week. It took a lot of courage for someone that considers herself a Conservative Jew to challenge her rabbinic leadership for embracing intermarried couples. Here is how she puts it:
The op-ed (“The Conservative movement can, and should, welcome the intermarried”) actually goes on to reaffirm the movement’s prohibition against its rabbis officiating at intermarriages and even speaks approvingly of conversion as an option.
But in the penultimate paragraph of the piece, the authors discuss welcoming the intermarried with “equally open arms.” They advocate “joyously” including these couples in the lives of Conservative congregations and organizations, including worship. Finally, they promise to find “ways to celebrate” these marriages that honor the non-Jewish spouse’s “choice not to merge their identity with the people of Israel.” How? “By being present as pastors before the wedding, as rabbinic guides and companions after the wedding, and as loving friends during the wedding period.”
…The op-ed begs the question of what does “equally open arms” mean in the context of Conservative synagogues welcoming intermarried couples? Is such equal hospitality even possible in Conservative synagogues if they are going to continue to take Jewish tradition seriously? Will non-Jews be allowed to have honors on the bima and actively participate in the services to the same extent as Jews?
Should the norm in Conservative synagogues be to wish a public “mazel tov” to Jewish as well as interfaith couples on their engagements and marriages? Should Conservative rabbis now be expected to allow an aufruf ceremony for interfaith couples prior to the wedding?
Clearly, Professor Kwall understands that if a religious identity is to have any meaning at all, at the very least it ought to remain loyal to its standards. Once you start tampering with them you run the risk of destroying the very identity you seek to retain. The illustrations she points out are a very likely result of the kind of openness these Rabbis have advocated. Implemenating them makes a mockery of Judasim itself.
Obviously intermarriage is a huge problem. That would have been my answer to a question asked by the Forward to 22 rabbis: Is Intermarriage is a problem or an opportunity?
Because of the great gift of religious tolerance that defines this country – secular Jews no longer feel the need to remain Jews at all. Intermarriage then becomes irrelevant. Who cares about a religion that has no impact at all on the way you live, anyway? That’s the message of our time. Religion is now seen by secular Jews (most of whom see themselves as enlightened progressives with humanist values) as an archaic vestige of a superstitious past.
The Reform and Conservative Movements have contributed mightily to this mindset. Reform Judaism has succeeded in eliminating anything remotely Jewish from their way of life. After decades of this approach, they now realize that if you don’t have anything identifiably Jewish as a part of your life, then what exactly makes you a Jew? So now they have backpedaled and encourage voluntary Mitzvah observance as a way of maintaining Jewish identity.
But the train has left the station. Historically, Reform Jews embraced those original doctrines and very likely have children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren that barely even know they are Jewish – and probably don’t care.
The Conservative Movement, claims fidelity to Halacha. And there are many Conservative Jews that do observe it as their denomination defines it. But as Conservative thinker Rabbi Jack Wertheimer has pointed out, the vast majority of Conservative Jews don’t - and their pulpit rabbis have paid little attention to that.
The result of all this is a 90% population of mostly Jewishly ignorant Jews that see no problem marrying out.
That means that if we don’t do something about it, we will lose huge numbers of Jews. Marrying out means that in about half of the cases, the children will not be Jewish at all. End of the Jewish line for them. A line that has continued for them ancestrally for millennia - until now.
Among the 22 rabbis that were asked the abovementioned question, I think Gil Student said it best:
We need to reclaim our terminology. Intermarriage is neither a problem nor an opportunity — it is a sin, a violation of a biblical prohibition. It is the most important decision of a person’s life, made contrary to Jewish tradition. The most effective preventive action is not guilt, but education. If someone finds Judaism exciting and central to his daily life, he will not consider a spouse who does not similarly place Judaism at the center of her life. This requires immersive, deep education both intellectually and experientially. If you want to dramatically reduce intermarriage, make yeshiva education a birthright for all Jewish children.
My only quibble is that despite it being a sin - it is still a problem. I am uncomfortable with the idea that we will just have to live with the consequences of losing so many Jews to intermarriage. I’m just not sure there is a solution. One thing seems certain though, Professor Kwall is right. Changing who you are by embracing Jews who whose spouses are not Jewish and whose children may not be either, is not a solution. It is a tragedy.
But there is a future for Judaism. It is as Gil suggests. A strong Jewish education is the key. That is the primary reason Orthodoxy is growing. And the lack of it among the 90% tat are not Orthodox is why the rest of Jewry is shrinking. The successes by the many outreach groups - as laudable as they are - are a drop in the bucket compared to the many Jews they do not reach. Sad to say it. But unless someone comes up with a solution that does not embrace intermarried couples - I think we will just have to live with those consequences.