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| Image for illustration purposes only (Jerusalam Post) |
I get it. It’s hard to believe the worst about people you know that
have done so much for so many people. People that are icons – role models for
all of us to emulate. People who were happily married to loving wives (or husbands) and have
children that adore them. People who inspire others to emulate their good works.
People that in just about every way lead exemplary lives with reputations that extend
well beyond their immediate environment. There are in fact few people that can
measure up to standards like these.
So when they are accused of heinous crimes, to say that the family, friends, and people they worked with are incredulous would be an understatement
But what if the accused admits to the crimes in court and are about
to be sentenced for them, should the people who knew them best, or
the many people that benefitted from
his generosity, try and advocate for leniency in his sentencing?
In fact, should a person even be judged by his worst moment? Should they not be judged by the totality of who they are and what they have done in their lives? Should we not
weigh that against a couple of bad deeds and advocate for a commensurate degree of leniency
in sentencing?
This is not a theoretical question. It happened very recently. In a general sense, the answer is not so simple. One might fairly argue that it depends on the crimes. There may be some areas where the answer is yes. And some grey areas where the answer is unclear. But there is one area in which the answer is abundantly clear . Absolutely not! Which is when the crimes involved sex abuse. Especially of minors.
So that even if a sex abuser regrets what he did, the damage was done and it was severe, Nothing they can say or do will change that. There in no amount of good deeds one has done for family, friends, and community that can outweigh the ruination of a single life.
None of this is knew. I've said it all before. But it seems that there are well intended religious and community leaders that have not gotten the message. At least when it comes to one of their own.
Rabbi Zvi Gluck, founder and CEO of Amudim, lays this all out in plain English as follows:
Recently, it came to light that more than a dozen letters were written several years ago by rabbis, heads of major organizations, community leaders and physicians on behalf of a person who readily admitted that he was guilty of sexually abusing two minors on multiple occasions.
These eloquent petitions for judicial mercy explained how this individual was an enormous ba’al tzedakah who leaped at the opportunity to help others, and how he has shown remorse for his actions, and suffered the loss of his livelihood, his communal standing, and even his wife.
But those pronouncements of sterling character and hardship are an outrage in the face of the unspeakable pain that they caused. The hard truth is that having prominent individuals extolling the virtues of a sexual predator can be triggering for any victim of sexual abuse, creating tsunamis of betrayal and isolation as their personal trauma is rekindled. And to make matters worse, they see our rabbis and leaders making the inexplicable decision to defend the monsters who prey on the vulnerable, instead of championing the rights of those who have been victimized.
Sadly, I saw that reality playing out in front of my own eyes over the last few days. Within 24 hours of these letters being publicized, I heard from two victims of childhood sexual abuse. Both were completely distraught to discover people who are looked up to in our circles praising a pedophile’s character and advocating for him and his family.
Both felt abandoned and shattered by communal leaders pledging their allegiance to anommunity admitted child molester. And both found themselves questioning the very foundations of their existence, with these letters completely destroying their faith in our rabbonim…
What makes this message particularly significant is that Rabbi Gluck identifies as Charedi and is highly respected in the wider Charedi community. That means that a lot more Charedim are listening to messages like this. A message that was constantly on the tongues of survivors and their advocates. But in the not so distant past went unheeded. Especially in Charedi circles. In the past, often the effects of abuse on survivors were downplayed by community rabbis and leaders who felt it more important to protect the reputations of the abuser’s families. That has changed up to a point. But as the above mentioned letters indicated it has not changed enough. As Rabbi Gluck says
We need to show support for those who have been horribly violated, not those who have perpetrated those deviant crimes. Doing anything less than that, whether knowingly or unknowingly, is the equivalent of plunging a knife into the heart of those who have been abused, retraumatizing them.
Finally, I respectfully turn to our rabanim, community leaders, organizational heads, and physicians with a personal message. I know you all lead extraordinarily busy lives, but blindly affixing your name to the cause du jour without taking the time to fully assess all the facts at hand can have devastating consequences that can undermine you, as well as innocent individuals. With that in mind, I humbly implore you to follow Rabbi Weinberger’s example (see link) and publicly apologize for your actions. This is your opportunity to do the right thing and restore faith in our community and our values.