The Tragedy That Is Doug Emhoff

Doug Emhoff (seated in center) during a vigil for the murdered hostages (JTA)

I don’t know how many of my people take pride in the fact that the Second Gentleman, Doug Emhoff, is Jewish.  I suppose a lot of American Jews do feel that way. He seems like a nice guy, has a decent sense of humor; is a loving husband and a good father. And he has a good sense of right and wrong. One might even say he is a role model for those things -  making his Jewishness a feather in our Jewish cap.  True he has admittedly made some serious mistakes in life that cost him his first marriage. But he sincerely regrets those mistakes and seems to have been forgiven by the people (his family) he wronged.

The one thing he was not until about 3 and a half years ago was someone that cared much about his Judaism. Although he apparently did practice some of the traditions of his religion, it was probably more cultural than it was based on belief. Which - also by his own admission, he didn’t give much thought. If one has no core belief system, then as the culture changes so too does adherence to are one’s practice of cultural traditions. Which can be easily abandoned. Once a Passover Seder loses its cultural appeal, why bother?

I say this with no animus or ill feeling toward Mr. Emhoff. He is what he is because this is what he was probably handed by his parents. They very likely had similar if a bit stronger feelings about their Judaism.  

So Doug Emhoff can’t be faulted for how he feels about his Judaism. Or how much of his religion he practices. Not even for marrying a non Jewish woman. Twice. He simply doesn’t know or care about whether that is a violation of Jewish law or not. Nor does he understand how serious a violation of Jewish law it is to attend a Christian religious service like Easter in a church with his non Jewish wife. Something he spoke about proudly at the DNC convention. 

I’m pretty sure he loves his children a lot even though they are not considered Jewish by any measure. They do not even consider themselves Jewish. That doesn’t seem to matter to him. And I can’t really blame a Jew for loving his non Jewish children if he doesn’t understand or care about perpetuating his Judaism beyond himself. And even if he does – it’s hard to not love your own children regardless of how you feel about them religiously. Especially when you do not know or believe in the core principles of Judaism and are not observant yourself.

What makes Doug Emhoff’s status as a Jew significant is his wife, Kamala Harris, the current Vice President and the Democratic candidate for President. That has brought a lot of attention to his religion. Which surprised him as he noted at the convention -  and he once again noted at a Conservative Washington synagogue vigil about the murdered hostages yesterday. He added (both times) that it was his wife that encouraged him to explore his Judaism more. (I have been told that this is quite common in intermarriages.)

I don’t know how much of that he has done. But obviously not enough to either convince his wife to convert or divorce her. Either of which would be the correct path moving forward if he were to take his Judaism more seriously. 

But something he said yesterday indicates what is said about all Jews, no matter how far removed they are from belief and observance. Something often called the ‘Pintele Yid’.  that little ‘point of a Jew’ buried somewhere deep in the subconscious of all Jews that is stirred  when earth shattering events  happen to the Jewish people. I think that is what sparked following comment: 

“Standing on this bimah, I can only be direct: This is hard. I feel raw. I’m gutted,” Doug Emhoff said. “I know you are, too.” 

Yes. For one deep but fleeting moment he felt like a Jew..  But how long that feeling will last and how far it will go is yet to be determined.

It is both sad and ironic that the first Jew that may very well  live in the White House come next January, is someone who is so ignorant of his Judaism and yet seems to be increasingly proud of it. Someone whose ‘Pintele Yid’ has begun to emerge, and yet, if it were to fully flower he would (unless in the unlikely event that his wife would convert) have to divorce her. 

I am not minimizing any progress he has made in the direction of returning to his roots. On the contrary, I applaud every step he takes in that direction. God bless him for that.  

But still, I lament the tragedy of all the ‘Doug Emhoffs’ of our people that have followed a path out of their tradition and ended their Jewish line by not having Jewish children. That is a tragedy even if he eventually becomes fully observant. 

Marrying out is the current trend of over 70% of non Orthodox Jews in this country. And about half of their children will not be Jewish. If Doug Emhoff’s becomes some kind of role model for non Orthodox Jews, his successful and celebrated intermarriage could easily accelerate this trend. That is depressing and there doesn’t seem like there is much we can do about it on any large scale.