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| Rabbi Zecharia Greenwald (Mishpacha) |
Rabbi Zecharia Greenwald is the head of a women's seminary in Israel and a Mishpacha columnist. In last week’s column he addressed readers’ strong concerns about an earlier column addressing the type of husband a young woman should be seeking for marriage. The question was, assuming all else being equal in terms of their religious observances and Hashkafa - should she also accept recommendations to date an ‘Earner’ - someone that opts to support his family from the start. Or should she only accept recommendations to date a ‘Learner’ who will be learning in a Kollel fulltime and relying on other means for support? (Like a monthly check or a credit card from his in-laws.).
To be fair, I did not read that first article. But the second article made very clear what his position is. Which was something along the lines of ‘If you want to start your married life out the right way, you must seek a ‘Learner’. In essence relegating those who decide to support their families to 2nd class citizenship as Jews. If not a lot worse.
One of the letters expressing deep concern over his views was a lengthy one written by a 33 year old married (with children) physician. Whose value system and lifestyle is clearly Charedi. He argued eloquently that ‘Earners’ like himself should not automatically be cast aside as ‘damaged goods’ that should be avoided for Shidduch purposes.
The short version of Rabbi Greenawald’s response was to basically double down on his original view that “Earners’ are indeed damaged goods. Of course he didn’t use those words. But he may as well have. Here is the ‘money quote’:
A boy who finishes high school and a year later is in college and then the workplace — I will state this with conviction, from personal experience — he will invariably not be a yerei Shamayim or ben Torah. The occasional exceptions to this do not refute my statement.
Is there any wonder why there is a Shidduch crisis when an authority figure like Rabbi Greenwald has just condemned anyone who chooses to support their families instead of choosing to learn full time in a Kollel?
What he has done is condemned the entire generation of the late 60s and early 70s where after graduating Yeshiva high school the vast majority of us would continue studying in the Yeshiva during the day time hours and attend college at night.
It wasn’t just YU whose Rosh Yeshiva was peerless in Torah knowledge and had a PhD in philosophy from the University if Berlin. Nor was it only HTC whose Rosh Yeshiva was a Gadol in his own right and had a Law degree from NYU. It was also Ner Israel, Chaim Berlin, and Torah Vodaath. Whose Roshei Yeshiva were respectively Rav Yaakov Yitzchak Ruderman, Rav Yitzchok Hutner, and Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky - all acknowledged Gedolei HaDor: .
Back then. young men seeking to support a family were actually considered Bnei Torah and Yorei Shomayim. Doing the same now should not be considered any differently. Unfortunately Mechanchim like Rabbi Greenwald are strongly preaching against it. And by far he is not alone.
A young woman I know that is struggling to find the right Shidduch need not be suffering from this malady. But she - like many of her contemporaries - is. .
She attended a seminary like the one Rabbi Greenwald runs. After returning from seminary a few years ago she has been dating young men from BMG (Lakewood) type Yeshivos exclusively ever since. With no success.
When I suggested a young man from Yeshiva Rabbeinu Yitzchok Elchanan (YU) whose Hasmada (diligence) rivals that of any BMG student - she flatly rejected him. Claiming that it’s impossible for someone that attends college at night to know as much Torah as someone that spends their entire day and night learning Torah. And she will not settle for second best.
Rabbi Greenwald is not some kind of renegade Mechanech that has stepped away from the mainstream He IS the mainstream. In this brave new world of ours, there is no such thing as a first class Jew who chooses to support his family. They may be fine people but they are not quite fine enough. They have no fear of heaven and are not Bnei Torah
Judaism has evolved into something unrecognizable from what it was just a few short decades ago.. What was then considered the rarified atmosphere of full time Torah study that few Gedolei Yisroel inhabited is now considered the norm that everyone must seek. Anyone that does not seek it - is considered damaged goods. That makes me angry And yet I’m not sure there is anything we can do about it.