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| Image for illustration purposes (BESA) |
The letter was written to a prominent Rav who identifies as Charedi. He wanted my input as well. I asked if I could post it and he agreed - but he wishes to remain anonymous. I believe he asks some very valid questions. His name has been changed and identifying information left out. Otherwise the letter follows in its entirety.
Hi Rav
A Big Question. A Simple Resolution.
I was brought-up in apartheid South Africa. White and privileged. Nevertheless, with both my parents academics, I was always aware of the gross injustice around me, and so too, the disproportionately high number of Jewish South Africans who led the “struggle” in so many ways - politically, socially, academically and legally. (the bitter irony of today)
As I became more engaged in my Judaism, I started going to Orthodox families for Shabbos. But I found it difficult, if not impossible at the time, to reconcile how that some of the families I went to, while extremely warm, hospitable and embracing so many of the middot and virtues I sought to develop in myself – were derogatory and racist in their language used at the table and in their general political outlook.
It was not until a few years later while studying full-time at Ohr Somayach in Ma’alot Dafna that in a meeting with the incredible, warm and personal Rav Nachman Bulman zt”l – that he provided the answer, “Avi,” the Rav said, and embracing my hand, “not every Jew who looks the part is a walking Torah scroll.”
Question answered and reconciliation.
A Big Question. Looking for Answer…
While I went to “black-hat” type yeshivas as I became frum, my life hashkafically today is more nuanced. I have family who are (and I hate to use these terms) - Hareidi, Dati Leumi, Chardal and secular– the whole gamut.
What I find especially difficult right now, not least having had our only son on the front lines, is a new reconciliation in need…
How do I reconcile that the “Torah World” that I am blessed to be part of – also has such a very significant element, and arguably a very core element, that embraces a hashkafic/almost halachic outlook that I find so growingly repugnant.
Yes, I understand the context, the complex post WW2 history etc. but that does not excuse my reality.
That is, that while I am a card-carrying member today of “Torah Jewry,” at least to the best of ability, and with all my failings, that within our accepted membership, we have a most malignant character trait.
A trait that never mind being self-destructive, is so acutely destructive to the people of Eretz Yisrael and to the Jewish people worldwide - most notably to the majority of Jews, those less affiliated.
By just by one example:
To Israelis: As all aware the bitter and imploding divide in not only not serving in the IDF in any significant number, but neither even doing sheirut leumi. For all the reasons of ‘their’ argument.
To Jews worldwide, especially non-religious: Arguably a terrible חילול השם, only driving more away from even looking at/investigating their Judaism. The issue so profound, the damage in the understanding of Judaism, so alienating.
And even more importantly, personally, as a Torah Jew who of course believes in the coming of משיח and the need to resolutely focus on eliminating hatred and nurturing unity – how can I reconcile – that as part of the Klal that (to me) – we really can’t get anywhere right now with such a mountainous impediment.
Why?
Because when within our core composition at this time in history is a huge “Torah community” that embraces certain “values” that (to me) - works so profoundly against the very foundation to nurture greater achdus and unity – what is the point?
Leadership and Disability
I have been privileged to work for many years professionally in the field of developmental and mental disability.
One of the challenges I found reconciling professionally and personally, was that while we as Torah Jews and as a Torah community have been and are so many lightyears ahead in morality, ethics etc. - in so much in what we have “given the world” – but that that we as a community - lagged so far behind by the stigma of disability.
Whether developmental or mental health disability – the non-Jewish world had decades before long left the station.
They were confronting disability, building acceptance, nurturing integration etc. – while we generally – were still deciding the merits of even building a train. Whether builders as leaders, individuals or as communities.
When surely we, we of all people as Torah Jews - should have been at the forefront of this change?
How does this relate to the above?
Well, we can provide many “excuses” why this was – a deep historical context, the uniqueness of the Torah world and priority of focus, the stigma in shidduchim etc. – but to me – that does not provide an excuse.
It provides a reality that we as Torah Jews can get things grossly wrong at times. Individually, communally and as leaders.
I guess in closing – if but simplistically speaking – I wish we as the “Torah World” could see ourselves at times as admittedly being “perfectly imperfect.”
But (to me) I find we live increasing in a Torah World – especially in leadership – where the thinking, where the belief is – we simply have no imperfections.
Warm regards,
Avi