The Sheer Evil of Hating LGBTQ People

(Tablet Magazine)

No, I have not had a change of heart. I am as committed as I have always been to expressing sympathy and compassion for what LGBTQ people go through in a world that ‘hates’ them. I am not exaggerating.

The country, perhaps all of the civilized world is divided over this issue. On the one hand many LGBTQ advocates and most of the left wing media champions their cause to the point of glorifying a lifestyle that most often includes sexual immorality. Which is of course anathema to social conservatives that are mostly devout believers. Now that the stigma of mental illness has been removed from LGBTQ people - those parts of the bible that treat such behavior as sinful have been discarded.  

On the other side of the coin, you have traditionalists that have not abandoned the biblical view - not only against LGBTQ behavior as immoral, but condemn the people inclined to behave that way as immoral, too.

As I keep saying the truth lies somewhere in the middle. But the reality is that very often those on the religious side of the divide - though well intentioned tend to go too far. I see it all the time. Some of the most genuinely compassionate Orthodox rabbis I know have nothing but angry disdain for people that are LGBTQ. They dismiss all of them as ‘Godless’ sinners whose real agenda is spiting God. 

This is what the angry anti LGBTQ protests amount to in many cases. Some religious people think by hating LGBTQ people they are loving God. This is little more than simple ignorance. Ignorance is what so often turn good intentions into tragedy. The following story in Tablet Magazine by Dr. Chaim Nissel - an Orthodox psychologist - illustrates this: 

A19-year-old client walked into my therapy office in Monsey, New York, looking defeated. I had been working with him for the past three months, yet I had never seen him this dejected. He asked me point blank: “Why do all rabbis hate me and people like me?” 

This teenager’s  lament was triggered by the following incident: 

A well-respected rabbi he enjoyed listening to, used “the gays” as an example for something unrelated to the actual content of his lesson, and painted all “gays” as being agenda-driven in trying to change Halacha, Jewish law. This young man tearfully shared how the crowd laughed as the rabbi demonstrated an exaggerated effeminate hand motion as he referred to “the gays.” My client was devastated, and his pain was palpable. His distress and despair led him to seriously contemplate walking out of his yeshiva and his full-time Torah study, for good. But he also described that despite the pain he felt, he still “loved learning Torah and living in a Torah environment.”

Long story short, after apprising the rabbi of this teen’s reaction...

...his (the rabbi) face fell and he felt terrible. He did not intend to hurt anyone and had not considered how painful his words and actions were. He then removed the shiur from the web. 

What he could not remove, however, was the damage his message had by then done to the many people that had had already listened to his Shiur. Which probably reinforced their own negative towards LGBTQ people - learned from parenst and teachers who had expressed themselves in ways similar to this rabbi. 

While I’m glad this rabbi saw the light and will probably never do that again, the damage is done.

There is, however, another thing that fuels these negative hurtful attitudes: The flamboyant behavior many of LGBTQ participants at Pride Parades in all manner of undress - and semi obscene dnacing and prancing on foats and the like displaying their exhibitionist tendencies in all its radiant glory! If I were a dignified LGBTQ that wanted the respect of his fellow human beings, I would be appalled at such displays. and yet it seems to be getting worse with each new  parade.  

Any rabbi that has the slightest sense of what dignified Jewish behavior should ould rightfully be disgusted at what they saw there. 

I’m sure this teen is nothing like this. He is just honest about his own feelings and as an Orthodox Jew struggles with them. He does not deserve hate. He deserves respect and admiration. I agree with Dr. Nissel and have said the same thing myself: 

One of today’s greatest challenges for the Orthodox community is how to simultaneously balance the primacy of Halacha and sensitivity to community members who identify as LGBTQ...

 There is no prohibition against having desire toward forbidden unions, but the behavior is prohibited. Being gay or identifying as LGBTQ is not a sin. People’s sexual behavior is a private matter and should remain so…

 On the other hand, when there are attempts to change the Torah or to say particular Torah commandments no longer apply, the Orthodox community rightfully protests. Halacha remains the bedrock of our system of behavior, and the Torah, which is the word of God, cannot be modified or amended to match today’s ethos...  

Going forward the Torah world needs to be educated on the subject. and not resort to to the knee jerk anti LGBTQ platitudes of the past. Teachers need to transmit o their students a Torah based attitude of tolerance and understanding; respect and compassion for LGBTQ people. 

It would help though if we could eliminate the kind of flamboyant exhibitionism seen at those parades. Because that can only contribute to hate this gay teenager experienced which can result in clinical depression and even the suicide.