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| Stephen L. Carter (Wikipedia) |
The best way to show our praise of the Lord is by sanctifying His name. Otherwise known as making a Kiddush HaShem. Which - as God’s chosen people should inspire others to praise Him.
It is with this in mind that I excerpt from a review of a book entitled Civility It is about an event that happened 56 years ago as described by the individual it happened to:
In the summer of 1966, my parents moved with their five children to a large house near the corner of 35th and Macomb Streets in Cleveland Park, a neighborhood in the middle of Northwest Washington, D.C., and, in those days, a lily-white enclave. My father, trained as a lawyer, was working for the federal government, and this was an area of the city where many lawyers and government officials lived. There were senators, there were lobbyists, there were undersecretaries of this and that...
My two brothers and two sisters and I sat on the front steps, missing our playmates, as the movers carried in our furniture. Cars passed what was now our house, slowing for a look, as did people on foot. We waited for somebody to say hello, to welcome us. Nobody did.
We children had no previous experience of white neighborhoods. But we had heard unpleasant rumors. The gang of boys I used to hang out with in Southwest Washington traded tall tales of places where white people did evil things to us, mostly in the South, where none of us had ever lived, nor wanted to.
I watched the strange new people passing us and wordlessly watching back, and I knew we were not welcome here. I knew we would not be liked here. I knew we would have no friends here. I knew we should not have moved here. I knew...
And all at once, a white woman arriving home from work at the house across the street from ours turned and smiled with obvious delight and waved and called out, "Welcome!" in a booming, confident voice I would come to love. She bustled into her house, only to emerge, minutes later, with a huge tray of cream cheese and jelly sandwiches, which she carried to our porch and offered around with her ready smile, simultaneously feeding and greeting the children of a family she had never met—and a black family at that—with nothing to gain for herself except perhaps the knowledge that she had done the right thing.
We were strangers, black strangers, and she went out of her way to make us feel welcome. This woman’s name was Sara Kestenbaum. Sara died much too soon, but she remains, in my experience, one of the great exemplars of all that is best about civility.
Sara Kestenbaum’s special contribution to civility back in 1966 was to create for us a sense of belonging where none had existed before. And she did so even though she had never seen any of us in her life. She managed, in the course of a single day, to turn us from strangers into friends, a remarkable gift that few share.
What makes this story even more incredible - and significant for us - is that Sara Kestenbaum was an observant Jewish woman. She instinctively understood what making s Kiddush HaShem is all about. Without hesitation she saw an injustice and did something about it. Prejudice against black people still existed even in ‘polite society’ back then and would not be tolerated by her. She saw black children being hurt by the casual indifference (or worse) of their new neighbors and sprang into action.
This is what a Jew who wants to serve God does. Sara Kestenbaum did not see skin color. She saw human beings created in the image of God. Who therefore must be treated with dignity and kindness.
That one act by one religious Jewish woman changed the world for that young 11 year old. He now saw the world in an entirely different light than he had seen it just moments before. He now felt welcomed rather than rejected. It restored his faith in humanity.
That led him to a life of great achievement. That young man’s name is Stephen L. Carter, now a Yale Law School professor and best selling novelist,
Professor Carter has taught thousands of students during his long career as a law professor. And has influenced countless more though his books and columns. All of which can be traced back to that one act of kindness and generosity of spirit that defined Sara. Kestenbaum’s character.
That is the power of one. I’m sure that Sara Kestenbaum had no idea at the time - the lasting impact her gesture would have. One act - a Kiddush HaShem - by one religious Jew has stretched across time.
I bring this up now because I heard this story for the first time last night at the Arie Crown 8th grade graduation my two twin grandsons were part of. It was the message delivered to the graduating class by Head of School, Rabbi Eli Samber.
A message which is - once again - in in line with the character and values of the school.
One will typically hear platitudes about the high value of Torah study at these events. The idea is of course to instill a love of Torah in their young graduates and impress upon them the importance of Torah study. This is surely true of Arie Crown as well - demonstrated by so many of their graduates from the past dedicating their lives to Torah study (including my own son).
But what is often missing at some schools is what should precede Torah study. Which the sages tell us is required: Derech Eretz, Kodma LaTorah (Avos 2:2). Which can loosely be translated as civility precedes Torah study. For me that means that without Derech Eretz, Torah study is worthless.
These values are the first ones transmitted to Arie Crown students. And they are transmitted throughout their elementary education - staring with pre-nursery (early education). And it was the last thing the graduates heard from Rabbi Samber before they move on to their next chapter in life. A message of Mentchlichkeit that will be carried with them for the rest of their lives.
It is also a message for our time where civility seems to be disappearing. Which is why I bring it up here.
I could not end this post without expressing my admiration, pride in… and gratitude for… the school that educated all of my children and many of my grandchildren. Once again, thank you, Arie Crown.
Disclaimer. Rabbi Menachem (Neil) Kirshner is Arie Crown’s Hebrew principal.