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| Scene from the movie, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret’ (JTA) |
This is what I thought of when I read Edmund Case’s review of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret’ - a movie about intermarriage based on Judy Blume’s book by the same name published in 1970.
Edmund’s point was that the anger expressed by the protagonist Jewish and Christian parents is archaic. Intermarriage is far more accepted today by parents in both religions.
Edumund’s short bio at the end of his op-ed reads as follows:
Edmund Case is the retired founder of InterfaithFamily (now 18Doors), is president of the Center for Radically Inclusive Judaism and author of “Radical Inclusion: Engaging Interfaith Families for a Thriving Jewish Future” and “A New Theory of Interfaith Marriage.”
Edmund who is himself intermarried is obviously pleased at this development. He has raised his children to believe they are Jewish. And unlike the past rejection of both religions by both parents (as indicated in the movie) he cites recent statistics that say most intermarried couples (57%) raise their children as Jews. According to his ignorant and thereby misguided view of Judaism this is a positive development. He says that with the now more common acceptance by parents, we should embrace these families as part of the greater Jewish community.
This approach is a time bomb that will eventually obliterate the non Orthodox American Jewish community. At a 75% intermarriage rate, it is only a matter of time. Edmund seems to be saying to stop worrying and love the bomb.
I could not disagree more. You cannot be a Jew interested in perpetuating Judaism if your own children are not Jewish. Calling them Jewish or even raising them Jewish does not make them Jewish The Halacha is clear. That there is now a denomination that says otherwise doesn't make it so either. A movement that rejects the binding nature of Halacha cannot declare their ‘Halacha’ to be binding. That is illogical.
What that means is that there will be two communities of Jews. One of which will never recognize many ‘Jews’ of the other community as legitimate Jews. Unless they go through a formal conversion under Orthodox auspices..
The idea that one can ‘reform’ Judaism into something unrecognizable is as ridiculous as saying that baseball should eliminate bats and balls… and still call it baseball. That is not baseball.
Organizations like Edmund’s are unfortunately accelerating the eventual extinction of non Orthodox American Jewry. The sad part is that he actually cares about being Jewish but is oblivious to that reality. Instead of contributing to its future he is instead contributing to its demise.
The question is, what are we to do about it? Is siting Shiva over a child that married out the answer? That was mostly the way a child marrying out was treated even by non Orthodox Jews back in the 70s when Blume wrote her book. But that will surely not help. It will only push them further away.
Some might argue, So what? There is nothing we can do about it anyway. We cannot welcome children of a non Jewish mothers into the Jewish tent. They are not Jewish. We have no choice but to totally sever all ties with them.
I don’t agree. Not that I have any good answers. But I don't see this as binary choice of either total rejection or total acceptance. I believe the lines of communication should remain open. In fact one can love a child and completely reject what he did. The main thing is to not alienate them. Because that is a virtual guarantee that they will never come back. They will instead learn to hate Judaism right along with their rejectionist parents.
You never know what a little love will produce. Withholding love on the other hand will surely chase them away. In most cases, permanently