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| Telling it like is: OU Executive Vice President, Rabbi Moshe Hauer (OU) |
That it exists in our world and has to be dealt with forcefully. That sweeping it under the rug is not good public policy. That it must be addressed head on and dealt with swiftly and effectively. That it’s about protecting the victims., not the predators or their community. I wish I could say that we are all on the same page now. But I can’t.
I do not say this lightly. The truth is that a lot of progress has been made. With heroes like Rabbi Yakov Horowitz leading the charge, Charedi leaders have slowly begun to come around to the realization that we need to better protect our children from this very real problem. That some of some of our own people are sexual predators that use devious methods to assault our children. And had been dong so with impunity, relying on their otherwise pristine reputations to protect them.
It would be nice if that was all that was needed. It’s true that big steps have been taken and that should be lauded. But the following comment in a statement made by OU Executive Vice President Rabbi Moshe Hauer about the Walder case speaks to me:
The Walder case is a true horror, featuring a major public figure – a rabbi, educator, therapist, popular author, and media personality – egregiously violating the trust placed in him. The headline-grabbing story demonstrates the fallibility of our leaders and builds the essential awareness of our need to maintain personal safety in all contexts and relationships.
Indeed! Because of that fallibility, the leadership has failed! There is no other conclusion that can be reached. And even though a lot of progress has been made, there is one fallacy the Charedi leadership still clings to. It is the notion that all reports of abuse must first be reported to the rabbis so they can determine the veracity of the accusations. That they still cling to this precondition is evident in the recent issue of Mishpacha Magazine.
I suppose I should be gratified that for the first time in the history of the Charedi media - they devoted several pages to the sexual abuse. And to some extent I am. To the best of my knowledge this is the first time a Charedi publication has discussed sexual abuse to any major extent. Several interviews were published by people that deal with this issue and they all had valuable advice to share with Mishpacha’s readers.
But instead of feeling gratified, it made me angry. For two reasons. First the name Walder did not appear in any of those articles. It is as if he didn’t exist. There was just an amorphous reference to a prominent Charedi author and therapist who committed serious sexual crimes.
But far more troubling to me is that other than in passing reference by one or two of the contributors - reporting suspicions of abuse to police was not once mentioned.
They focused only about going to a Beis Din. Which consists of Dayonim who are of course also rabbis. It is almost as if these contributors were told to say that. It’s just too much of a coincidence that a Beis Din was mentioned by almost every single contributor. To be sure they all said that that these rabbis should be specially trained to do deal with accusations of abuse. And at least one of those contributors said that such a Beis Din should be subject to some sort of review board.
But that is not the answer. Not the solution we need to even begin to fully address this problem. (Which actually seems to be increasing!)
I wish I could say, OK… if these courts consist of the most honorable rabbis among us and they get the right training they will make the right decision. But some of the best, most honorable rabbis among us do not have a good track record in handling abuse. Even leaving out some of the more extreme Chasidic elements whose leaders seem to systematically defend their accused and treat accusers as liars. As was the case a few years ago with Nechemya Weberman. He was convicted of sexually abusing a minor and is now serving a virtual life sentence in prison. To this day the leaders of Weberman’s community proclaim his innocence.
I am talking about far more mainstream leaders who are widely respected for their compassion, Torah knowledge, and expertise in Halacha. I am not going to mention any names. But anyone that has paid the slightest bit of attention knows who they are. In one case the accused was judged as not technically falling within the Halachic parameters that would require action. That allowed the abuser to continue his abuse to who knows how many victims.
And in another rather egregious case - the Charedi father of a victim, a Rav who is a huge Talmid Chochom was accused of abusing his own son! That accusation was made by one of the most prominent, brilliant, and respected Charedi leaders of his time. He believed the accused’s denial instead.
To me this means only one thing. Rabbis - even great rabbis with the best of intentions cannot be trusted to see be objective when one of their own is accused. The only people that should be judging the veracity of any accusation are people that are not in any way connected to the community. People that are trained and have experience in finding out such things - doing so with as much discretion as possible.
If one factors in the fact that false accusations of abuse are only 1% of all those that are reported - there ought to be no question about where one should go to report abuse. In those rare instances where an accusations is false we need to leave it to experts to ferret that out. Even though police can make mistakes too, they have more objectivity than do people who are familiar with the accused who is often someone with an otherwise pristine reputation.
At a 99% truth rate by those reporting abuse - this is a no brainer.
It appears that if anything positive has come from the Walder case, it is that Charedi publications like Mishpacha have been forced to finally talk about it on their pages. That is a good thing. They have come a long way from the days where ignoring the issue and sweeping cases of abuse under the rug was the norm. But even though they have come a long way, it is not enough. They are holding on to their ‘Daas Torah’ of going to the rabbis first. That should be obvious by the one thing all the contributors had in common – talking about a Beis Din instead of the police.
To be absolutely clear,, I do not mean to disparage the motives of any of these rabbis. I am 100% sure that their policies are all L’Shma. They should all be respected for who they are and all they have accomplished for the Jewish people. I’m sure their motives revolve around not wanting to see anyone hurt by a false accusation. Lives of such individuals and their families can indeed be ruined. I get that. But when a prominent individual is mistakenly exonerated his victims are demoralized. Sometimes to the extent of committing suicide.
I’ve said this before. More than once. Rabbis are human. Even the greatest of rabbis are subject to biases no matter how much they try to ignore them. As was the rabbi in the case I referred to above. How can they not be? The only people without such biases are people outside of their community. People that trained - and with the experience and compassion to get it right. That is the police of the Special Victims Unit. If Mishpacha Magazine is indicative of anything - it is that the Charedi world has a long way to go before they realize that.