A Preventable Death? I Think So

That being said, that it happens at all is something which must not be overlooked. And it seems like there has been more than one story like this. From the Jerusalem Post:               

What led to that is as follows. Chaya started having questions about her faith and ended up running away from home. When she eventually returned, her parents sought help to prevent her from doing that by going to a ‘businessman’ who gave her  anti psychotic drugs. That led to episodes of depression and lethargy.

Once she found out that it was the drugs that did that she left again only to return about two years later. Her parents immediately arranged a marriage for her. This convinced her to leave, and finally break with her family and her Judaism.  

She moved into her own apartment and shortly thereafter she took her own life in the Talpiot neighborhood of Jerusalem where she lived.

This is not the first time a young person took his or her own life after leaving their home and going OTD.  And I believe that is so preventable.   

There is no way of really knowing what ultimately led to Chaya’s suicide. The one thing we know for sure is that clinical depression can and sometimes does lead to that. She was obviously very depressed. Whether it was a chemical imbalance in the brain, chemically induced depression by the drugs she was given, or purely psychological is hard to know. It may very well have been a combination of all the above. What also seems clear is that her parents made some very bad decisions. I can’t help but think that the closed culture in which they live contributed to it. A culture that so strongly rejects people that question their beliefs.

I take no joy in discussing this publicly. Were it not in the public domain, I might not have. I do not want to add to the pain her family still feels. But if another life can be spared by people who take note of the series of events that happened here - and reconsider doing what seems to be a growing trend of using illegally obtained drugs to solve a problem (which has nothing to do with what those drugs are intended for) perhaps a life in a similar situation will be spared. As will the agony of their loved ones if the outcome is the same.

It is true that a child going OTD is not something that is taken lightly. It is one of the most difficult things a religious parent can experience. As almost any rebellion against a family’s values will be - religious or not. But there are far better ways to deal with it.

I am told by Orthodox professionals that deal with OTD children that they should never expel a child from their home if they go OTD. They need to show them their love and keep them close. 

This does not mean they have to endorse their rebellion. Parents can express their disapproval but it must be done in a non rejecting way that does not suggest that  their love has been withdrawn. There should be an understanding however that they not influence other family members to go OTD, respect house rules, and not be blatant in their OTD behavior. 

For example, if the want to watch TV on Shabbos, let the go into their room, close the door and watch quietly so as not to disrupt the Shabbos atmosphere.  If they want to eat non Kosher food, let them not bring it into the house. The point is that showing love for a wayward  child goes a lot further than rejecting them. Loving a child means accepting them even when they have gone OTD.

I don’t really know how her parents dealt with Chaya’s questions of faith. But my guess is that in Satmar - even  asking these kinds of questions is forbidden. Those who dare to even ask are considered OTD. So it wouldn’t surprise me if this family reacted to her that way.

We live during a time where asking questions like this is becoming far more common. The the information highway has a lot Apikursus on it which can be easily be traversed like at no other time in history. And even though the internet is forbidden in these circles, that edict is honored more in the breach - albeit probably with filters.

But even with filters a lot of Apikursus  (heresy)still gets through which generates those kinds of questions. I think most of the Orthodox world realizes this now.  And they are trying to deal with it. (Although I don’t know how successful they are.)

But  in places where Satmar type Chasidim live, the ‘solutions' seem to include the kinds of things Chaya’s family did. They found a ‘businessman’ to deal them some psychotropic drugs. 

That needs to change. I hope this post and others like it in some way reaches this community. If it helps to save one life because of it, it will have been well worthwhile.