LGBT, Charedim, and Modern Orhtodoxy

Both worlds believe in the same Torah and understand its  prohibition on the act most associated with same sex couples. Nonetheless I believe that there is a disconnect between us in how to deal with otherwise observant gay people that want to be fully accepted into the Orthodox community. An example of that might be seen in what happened at Yeshiva University a short time ago.

One of their liberal and ostensibly observant professors offered that in a conflict between societal ethics and the laws of the Torah he would side with societal ethics. That was followed shortly thereafter with a protest by some of the LGBT community demanding that YU president, Rabbi Ari Berman, institute policy changes that would openly accept them in ways that would practically be an endorsement of the very thing the Torah prohibits.

YU did not do that and will not do it. What they will and should do is to implement a policy that treats gay people with the same dignity straight people are treated.

The Charedi reaction to what happened in YU might be a derogatory one that ridicules YU by saying that it is only in a place like YU that such challenges could be made.  And that this kind of thing could never happen in a place like Lakewood. 

Now I will admit that I have not heard anyone say that about YU in this particular instance. But I have heard more than a few Charedim say that about YU when homosexuality was discussed in one of their assemblies a few years ago. It is not that much of a leap to believe they would say the same thing here.

There is no way that a gay person that wishes to be observant could survive in a place like Lakewood. They would very likely be shunned. Even though there are some Charedi leaders  that are sympathetic to their plight (like Ner Israel’s  Rav Aharon Feldman) -  not all of them feel that way. I may be (and hope I’m) wrong, but I think it is safe to say that kind of understanding attitude does not trickle down to most of Lakewood’s student body.

Modern Orthodoxy does not see it that way at all. We struggle with how to balance the clear violation of the Torah in which gay people most commonly engage sexually… and how we should treat them as individuals. Especially those who are otherwise observant and want to remain part of the Orthodox world. They will surely find a more welcoming environment in Modern Orthodoxy than they will in the Charedi world.

In my humble opinion, the Modern Orthodox approach is by far the preferable one. Which is why we struggle with this issue. There is no reason to reject a fellow Jew that is attracted to members of the same sex and strives to be observant. They should be welcomed same as any other Jew. But at the same time it must remain clear that what the Torah forbids is still forbidden and not rationalized away or worse - celebrated.

This is where Rabbi Jonathan Muskat has hit another home run. In his recent Times of Israel article he clearly outlines what the debate is about, what is acceptable; what isn’t; and why it isn’t.

My guess is that the Charedi world will at best ignore what he said – and might even object to it as somehow showing a degree of tolerance for a serious Torah prohibition. But I could not disagree more. Rabbi Muskat comes down firmly - on being clear! His views can be distilled into one of my favorite phrases about this issue: ‘Hate the sin – love the sinner’ …and make sure everyone knows both of those things.

The Charedi world may agree in theory. But when they make disparaging comments about YU like the one I suggested above, it almost as though they are saying that one should hate the sinner too. I’m not saying they actually do say that or even believe it. But that is the message a comment like that sends.

I would argue that these issues must be discussed. That lives are at stake. If YU were to have the ‘take no prisoners’ approach that the majority of the Charedi world does - which defacto ostracizes anyone that is known to be gay - some very fine people that have same sex attractions would suffer. A few of which would end up committing suicide. 

We must be sensitive to people that strive to be observant and find obstacles in their way. Why alienate them? Why must one hate people that have struggles with certain Mitzvos and yet wish to be observant? Aren’t we all struggling with our own issues? Do we not all have our various own personal struggles with observance of one Mizvah or another? Isn’t that what this season is all about? Aren't we are all required to do Teshuva and fast on Yom Kippur because we have failed in some of those struggles? 

Instead of ridiculing YU as conducive to gay militancy (as have many Charedim in the past and might be doing now) they ought to be applauding it for rising to the challenge and dealing with it properly in ways which honor both man and God.