An Emes Ve-Emunah Mussar Shmooze

I do not understand. How can any Jew that was raised to be observant not feel about a Baal Teshuva the way I do? Which is the way the Gemarah tells us to feel. To paraphrase... no matter how observant we are, we are not worthy to stand in the shadow of a Baal Teshuva.

The classic definition of Teshuva is repentance from deliberate sin. Which usually applies to those of us that know we were sinning to begin with. But as commonly used today, it refers to someone that was not raised to be observant at all… and after seeking truth finds it in observant Judaism.

For me a secular Jew who becomes observant involves a change in their lives of great magnitude. It means going from a life of complete freedom to behave as one wishes as long as they don’t hurt others in the process. Other than that, nothing gets in the way of whatever one chooses to do, whenever they want to do it. To go from that to a belief system that requires so many restrictions on behavior and so many obligations - some of which are a daily requirement - is in my view an earth shattering change. Secular Jews that discover God and believe His will is served by following His law are indeed in a rarefied place to which the average observant Jew can barely even aspire to be. 

If one is raised to be observant, it comes naturally to them. And even though some observant practices are difficult to do (such as fasting on Yom Kippur), it is still a natural yearly event. Which is not the same as someone that never ever thought of doing it, and now finds themselves committed to doing it for the rest of their lives for reasons of finding truth in it. Which is a far more meaningful way of doing it.

None of this is new. I’ve said it all before. But that has not changed the way many of us treat the Baal Teshuva. Which is somewhat like a outsider. Although mostly treated politely, they are rarely if ever fully accepted. Many of us discourage our children from marrying the Baal Teshuva with comments like: You’re asking for trouble …or marrying a Baal Teshuva means marrying his negative past… or that it means marrying a Baal Teshuva’s parents who are still secular - and might even be hostile to their newly observant child and observant spouse.

What has been upsetting to me lately is the way one Baal Teshuva is being treated right here on my blog. I feel the same way about him as I do about any Baal Teshuva. Despite the fact that I disagree – even strongly - with some of his comments.

I am appalled at the ridicule I often read about his posting style; or the condescension of perceived inappropriate comparisons; or his political opinions; or his religious perspectives; or ridicule about his personal life some of which he has revealed to us.

You don’t have to agree with him. But to see what is constantly being done to this man is in my view a major defect in character. I have no other way to explain why a man who has given up so much freedom in his life to embrace observant Judaism - gets treated this way. How can anyone be so cruel? And yet so many of us are.

I know it’s the nature of anonymity which is characteristic of social media that allows many of us to do or say things we would never otherwise do or say. But doesn’t that say something about ourselves? Doesn’t it say that deep down we could not care less if someone gets hurt by a dig or an insult? Would anyone want their child to marry someone whose true nature is to insult and hurt others – if they can’t be identified? …where being refined is only a deception? What is gained by people doing that? Does it make them feel better?

Building oneself up by tearing others down is evil. Is that who so many of us really are? And when it is done to a Baal Teshuva, there is a distinct danger that it will cause them to re-think their choices. Especially if part of their decision to become observant was because of the ethical and refined ways Judaism requires of us. The ways of the Torah are pleasant. That is a truism that is so often ignored here by so many of us. And if that truism is seen as a lie by a Baal Teshuva, why would they want to stay observant and live among observant Jews?

It is a tribute to the Baal Teshuva who so frequently comments here that he still remains committed to observance. Despite all the slings and arrows he experiences here - he has persevered. And indeed reached heights that many of us raised observant will  never reach.

I think we ought to all reflect on how we treat others. And instead of looking sideways at a Baal Teshuva, (or treating one of them like dirt as is the case here sometimes) we ought to be using them as role models of belief and commitment. And treat them with the honor and respect they deserve. No matter how we feel about their views on anything.