Changing our Attitude about Mental Illness

I cannot imagine the pain involved in losing a child under any circumstances. But losing a child to suicide (if that was indeed the case) might just be the most excruciating type of loss. The young girl was clearly a beloved child, bright, and talented. With her entire life ahead of her. All lost in one irrational moment by someone that possibly suffered from one of the most common and yet well hidden of mental illnesses: clinical depression.

Hidden for many reasons. Among them shame, the stigma of having a mental illness. Not only for the individual suffering from it but by all of their immediate family members. Stigma that will become attached to that family about having mental illness in their genes. Which does not help the Shidduch chances of the siblings.

Although it is completely unfair and wrong to stigmatize a family like that, I wonder how many among us would discourage a child from dating the sibling of someone that suffers from depression?

The truth is that mental illness does have a genetic component. So that reluctance is not at all that difficult to understand. But is it justified?

For me the answer is clear. It is not. No more than judging a family with a history of any physical illness. In either case it should not prevent a date with another human being. Because there are few people that don’t have any baggage. It isn’t because there should be no concern about it. But none of those should be the deciding factor about dating anyone.

But in light of what may have been a suicide, what about that?  First of all if depression does run in families, that does not mean every one will have it. More importantly even those that have it can lead full and productive lives..

How do I know? There are people I know that are very close to me that do in fact suffer from clinical depression. More than one. Not only do they live full and productive lives, they are all high achievers with great accomplishments under their collective belts. They all have raised beautiful families – each with children that are themselves high achievers. The fact is that very few people even know they suffer from it. Unless they were told. Obviously some do. they do not hide it. But they don't broadcast it to the world either.

How do they do it? More about that in a moment.

Far too many people today are completely ignorant about the subject of mental illness. Mental illness is treatable today. Clinical depression is the most common form and the most treatable form of it. 

There are a variety of factors why a particular individual might suffer from it. What is most misunderstood however is that the reason someone might suffer from is because of some traumatic childhood incident.Such as sexual abuse or living in a dysfunctional family. While that might be true in some cases. Trauma is not always the culprit. Although it surely does contribute to it.

Clinical depression is often based on a chemical imbalance in the brain. Which that can be treated with medication. That imbalance produces irrational feelings of anxiety and depression. When nothing specific can be pointed to for feeling that kind if intense anxiety - even panic, it could turn into feelings of hopelessness. Which should make it a bit easier to understand why someone like that might self medicate with alcohol or drugs. Or contemplate suicide and even attempt it. The mental pain becomes literally unbearable. 

I am not here - God forbid - to blame anyone for what happened to that 16 year old girl. Depressed personalities are very good at hiding their illness and their pain. To the typical outsider, or even close friend or family member, they will seem just fine. Sometimes even parents can’t recognize it. They might see it as typical adolescent anxiety which every teenager gets from time to time. But that teenager goes into his or her bedroom and closes the door, they are filled with anxiety, panic and feeling of hopelessness. If this goes on long enough, it is not to hard to see where this might lead. 

All because they have not been treated. A treatment that will include medications  that deal with the  chemical imbalance in the brain.

It is important to recognize that there might be a problem. And more importantly to get help as soon as possible from the medical professionals equipped to deal with this disorder. 

And finally for the entire Orthodox Jewish community to understand that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, that far more people have it than most people think; that it is eminently treatable; and that full and productive live can be led that will be symptom free.

That needs to happen. We need to disabuse ourselves entirely of any stigma associated with mental illness. That will be a win for everyone and perhaps spare any parent in the future from ever losing a child that way again.