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| Award Winning Actress, Mayim Bialik |
The minute someone mentions modesty with respect to sexual harassment (or worse), they may as well have said that it’s OK to rape women. At least that’s the knee jerk response I keep hearing in certain circles.
That is not only a false statement; it vilifies those who consider modesty in dress a positive value. It is as if they are telling women, to dress as provocatively as they want because it doesn't matter.
Before anyone jumps all over me, I know that sexual abuse does not occur only to immodestly dressed women. But to say it doesn’t matter, I think might just be an exaggeration. A provocatively dressed woman might just generate improper thoughts which in some cases might be acted upon by men with mental issues. That modestly dressed women are also attacked doesn’t mean that dressing modestly never helps.
Let me be clear. I do not blame the victim. This is not at all what I am saying. I don’t care if a woman is wearing a bikini on 13thAvenue in Boro Park, anyone that touches her or in any way harasses her is guilty of sexual aggression. The aggressor is fully to blame and ought to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. But those who claim that it doesn’t matter at all – that images like that don’t conjure up licentious thoughts in men are oblivious to human nature.
Just because most men will not act on those thoughts doesn’t mean no one will. If not on this women, then maybe the next. But don’t tell that to the critics. For them it is an all or nothing proposition. Women should therefore be free to dress as provocatively as they wish and ignore the temptations most men think about when they see them. If you don’t agree with that proposition, then then you are considered an ignorant misogynist - bullied into changing your mind.
Which brings me to Mayim Bialik. Ms. Bialik is an award winning actress that has earned 4 Emmy nominations for her role as Amy Fowler in the television comedy series, Big Bang Theory. She is also an observant Jew. It always intrigues me when celebrities like that become observant – especially in an environment like Hollywood that is hostile to religion. I have come to admire her for that – even though I do not agree with her egalitarian views as applied to Judaism.
Mayim’s comments extol the virtues of modesty in dress. A view that guides her own choices - considering the modest way she dresses as a layer of protection. But she was bullied into retracting comments along those lines she made in a NewYork Times op-ed. Although I understand why she did that - I don’t think she should have. There are so few people in Hollywood that have the courage to stand up for the values of modesty, it is a shame when they feel they have to retract.
Where does she get those values? I believe it is at least in part because she is has become an observant Jew who studies Torah with her ‘Partner in Torah’. She has learned and understands the beauty of dressing modestly and the high value the Torah places upon it. She knows the immodest world in which she lives – which in Hollywood operates on steroids! She spoke up about it in light of the Harvey Weinstein scandal. In a New YorkTimes op-ed she said the following:
(W)e can’t be naïve about the culture we live in. I believe that we can change our culture, but it won’t be something that happens overnight. We live in a society that has treated women as disposable playmates for far longer than Mr. Weinstein has been meeting ingénues in luxury hotel rooms.
That caused a vicious reaction from some of Hollywood’s elite rejecting her views and accusing her of shaming the victim. – which suggests blaming the victim.
Clearly that is not at all what she said or meant. She said as much in her op-ed. But in its zeal to maintain a woman’s right to dress as immodestly as she wishes, the PC crowd with Hollywood values - buried her. Mayim has expressed hurt and believes she was completely misunderstood. From the Forward:
“I am deeply deeply hurt if any woman in particular who has been assaulted—or man—thinks that i was in any way victim-blaming…”
“How you dress and how you behave have nothing to do with whether you’re assaulted,” she said. She added that her decision to dress modestly is a personal choice that gives her and other women a feeling of comfort and a layer of protection.”
Bialik said she still believes that there was still space in the modern feminist movement for socially conservative women, although she also said, “I think this article has proven maybe not.”
Maybe not... What a sad conclusion. As I said, I don’t blame her for retracting. Her heart is in the right place. She believed that the wrong message was taken from her original comments. And that may have caused unnecessary pain to women that have experienced sexual abuse or harassment. But a fair reading of her op-ed minus the unfair criticism - would make it obvious that hurting victims was the furthest thing from her mind.