Joining the Club

‘We were living in the dark ages!’ That was Rabbi Shmuel Fuerst’s response to me when I told him how courageous he was as a co-signer (along with 100 other prominent Orthodox rabbis) of a document urging people to report suspicions of abuse directly to the police.

As reported by the Jerusalem Post, this was the sentiment expressed in  a new document issued by prominent rabbis of Chabad: 

The subject of sex abuse has long been one of the most discussed subjects on the internet. And for good reason. It is one of the most mishandled maladies of modern times. The Catholic Church was in the spotlight for many years because of their own mishandling sexual abuse committed by priests. 

Orthodox Judaism was not much better. Well intended rabbis had failed in their responsibility to victims (or survivors as they prefer to be called) ‘standing idly by while their brother’s blood was spilled’. 

It’s not that any of them were evil. God forbid. They were just misinformed and thought that they were being kind. They focused on the accused abusers believing accusations of abuse could not possibly be credible against upstanding members of their community. They instead often saw the victim as a liar out to ‘get’ someone that they didn’t like for one reason or another. 

Often the victim had lost his faith in Judaism because of the abuse they suffered. Thus complicating matters further. Rabbis saw an irreligious Jew accusing a religious Jew of the  worst kind of wrongdoing and simply did not believe them. It did not make any sense to them that an upstanding Jew would sexually abuse anyone. They were reluctant (to say the least) in granting any credibility to an OTD young person accusing someone like that of sexually abusing them.

That resulted in a secondary abuse. By rejecting the victims as liars they were in affect victimizing them a second time.

While this had disastrous consequences for the victims, they did not see it.That is because they were uneducated about the nature of sex abuse.

Fortunately, this is not longer the case. Many rabbinic leaders from across the spectrum of Orthodoxy have learned a bit about the nature of sex abuse and understand that one can be a prominent and contributing member of a community by ‘day’ and  sexual predator by ‘night’. That it is often the nature of predators to ingratiate themselves to the communities in which they live by living a seemingly pious life; providing lots of financial support to religious institutions; and doing many acts of Chesed. As one predator once admitted, he did that on purpose so that he would become immune to reports of abuse should one of his victims speak up. 

Many rabbis that used to act instinctively to protect the accused now know this and have changed course. And now prominent Chabad rabbis have joined them -  recognizing with regret their inappropriate reactions of the past.

It seems however that there are still pockets of the Orthodox establishment that have not signed on to this. If believe that communities like Satmar haven’t budged from their position of siding with the accused and vilifying the victim. This is aht happened in the Nechmeia Weberman case. He was convicted of sex abuse and sentenced to 150 years in prison. To the best of my knowledge  they continue to proclaim his innocence.

Many of Lakewood’s rabbinic leaders and Agudah have improved greatly in their attitude about sex abuse. But as far as I know, they still require reporting credible suspicions of abuse to rabbis before reporting them to police. I understand their reticence. They still fear that prominent people might be accused by disaffected youth with an anti Torah agenda. They want to be absolutely sure that that the accused will be protected from that. Accusations that – even when totally false can ruin a person’s reputation for life as well as that of his family. But the likelihood of an accusation being false is small compared to the likelihood of it being true. Furthermore as Chabad notes: 

Adding to the concern for the victims is the undeniable fact that people who know and respect an accused abuser cannot possibly be objective, not matter how religious they are.  That’s because they are human and subject to human bias. I cannot imagine treating an allegation of abuse against a prominent Jew with a record of service to the community being put on equal footing with the victim’s denial of it. This is not to impugn the character of these rabbis. It is only to say that they are human.

The remaining reticent rabbis need to ‘leave it the authorities’ when someone is accused of sex abuse. The authorities are not evil people. They are trained to deal with sex abuse and to ferret out the truth. And they should be trusted. In the rare instance where an accused abuser turns out to be innocent. (this does happen as I am personally aware of at least two cases of it), it may be traumatic for him and his family and hard to overcome. But the reverse is a far greater problem. When victims are treated as liars - they are abused a second time. This contributes to their going OTD, becoming clinically depresssed and ‘self medicating’ with alcohol and drugs. And sometimes suicide!

Those rabbis who have come around to the need to report suspicions of abuse to police now realize this. Which is why Rabbi Fuerst made that ‘dark ages’ comment.  And why Chabad has now joined in requiring sex abuse to be directly to the reported to police. Let us pray that at this time of Teshuva, Tefilla and Tzedaka, that these reticent rabbis join the ‘club’ of Orthodox rabbis from across the spectrum who are now urging their public to do the right thing.